Bianca Madaffari Poetry

I’d rather not feel your

pulsing stare, the bleeding

heart on your sleeve. 

How can I be sorry

for feelings unreturned?

Am I at fault for 

not loving you?

You better be goddamn 

sure I’m not.

I was kind to you

in other respects,

with the things I

could control.

Now here you are,

blaming me for 

your broken heart.

Maybe you shouldn’t

have fallen so fast. 

Tell me I suck

one more time

and I’ll put this pen

to this paper, with words

like a knife to your throat. 

But you can talk all you want,

little crying man.

Give yourself some satisfaction-

but my words, 

my words,

you can eat my fucking

words like the dirty

pennies you swallow. 

Shallow, aren’t you,

keeping your face hidden. 

Calling me out-

as if you can do better. 

Take my fucking words, 

inject them in your blood

like the poison in your eyes. 

Take my words and breathe 

them in, taste them on your tongue,

and choke on my ashes when I’m gone. 

with your faded red hair

and your leather jacket

hugging you in all

the right places. 

A cigarette hanging 

between your fingers,

one look from you

and I am lost. 

And when your hand 

reaches for mine,

you send electricity

through my veins. 

We are sneaking kisses

behind the house, 

your lips linger on my skin

and I am lost. 

Lost in your smile, 

your laugh, 

your lips. 

I’m lost in your eyes, 

your thoughts, 

your touch. 

My electric girl, 

I am lost in you. 

If only you knew exactly how much

I think about you these days. 

I wonder what you would think

if you realized 

that your’e the only thing

on my mind. 

Like every other day 
but it was different this time. 
It was a hard punch in the gut,
a slap to my face with
a firm backhand. 
Needless to say,
it hurts to think about you. 
I wish I could erase you, 
I wish
I could
erase you.

just for a second,
make me believe 
that you love me too,
the way that I love you. 
Make me believe
that I’m the only one 
always on your mind. 
And if that’s not true,
I just want you to 
lie to me because 
all there is, 
is you.

My body aches from your vicious words.
You are the Dream Destroyer.
Broken shards shattered in my eyes,
splintered in my brain.
I am no longer real.

I try to breathe, but my lungs have shriveled. 
I try to look, but my eyes can see nothing but white. 
A white room, with white walls. 
A small spot on the ground
In the very center of the room,
My heart.
Brutally beaten,
Bleeding out.
Pulsates.
In.
Out.
In.
Out. 
Losing life
Second by second
Pulse by pulse
It’s gone.

I take a deep breath,
I inhale nothing but solitude.
I feel myself now. I am immortal.
I am alone.